January 19, 2008

• Sometimes I wonder why I even bother asking others for advice when in my heart of hearts, I know that I'm going to do what I originally set out to do anyway.  I think it's because I lack the courage to view my decision, whatever it may be, as "sound" and need validation.  But at the end of the day, I'm too proud and stubborn and the ol' "fuck you, I know what I'm doing" mentality sets in if the other's opinion counters my own. 

  One of a few things has to happen.  Either I start being confident that I can make very good decisions that suit me best, start taking advice, or my favorite so far - stop asking.  Eventually I'll build up to option #1, but the imprint of a lifetime of being stepped on, doesn't fade readily.

  I've also realized how much I've come to rely on writing to sort out what's going on in my head...so as lame as I feel updating my blog umpteen times a day, I think I'll have to suck it up because of the clarity I gain.

  ...just finished System Checkout so am free for the rest of the weekend...missing Mark tons...feeling quite tired and unmotivated due to lack of sleep and the general blahs of heartache...heading out to see The Color Purple soonish...and then taking Kim to Pink's for a, late night, artery clogging snack.

  • 7:24 pm
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