March 14, 2008
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Right now, I feel safe. It's a little shaky, but its there and I relish it. I never imagined that this was possible...it makes me happy and hopeful...and I know it'll just get better...how exciting. =)
The universe works in mysterious ways. I know that without this distance, that my separation anxiety would have stayed buried for a really long time...and would have inevitably led to a lot of stress and strain for the both of us. I don't know if we would have gotten through it. I know that this distance has forced me to face, what I consider, the most despicable trait I harbor. I'm going at it head on, and though I've never felt so overwhelmingly fearful due to the exposure and confrontation (to the point of getting physically ill), I got through it and am now on the other side.
I've got nothing else to hide...which really means, I have nothing left to fear. To be seen and accepted is...really something. I guess you can take it literally. I think one of the biggest fears that most people have, is that first physical exposure with a new partner. That self-consciousness can be really overwhelming...you don't know how the other person will react...or judge you. And again, to be seen and accepted as you are... =)
...watching Jaws now...and so far, the scariest thing in this movie is the Mayor's reluctance to put people before politics...it's especially scary because it happens everyday. The number of shark attacks on people is statistically insignificant by comparison.
Ok, that is a pretty damn big shark. I'm a bit scared. =/
I miss Mark.
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