March 24, 2008
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Have had a good couple of days. The room is just about as organized as it will ever be and I finally feel like I'm fully moved in - only took a year, but better late than never.
Feeling sleepy. But good.
I barely noticed it, but I had a major victory today. I reached out, but didn't get a reply. I even rang, and didn't get a reply...and yet, I didn't think twice about it. No fret, no fear. I went out to lunch with Bridey, and didn't even come home to check messages - just went straight to Bethany's so we could head out to the beach. Things just feel really different; good different. I know that it wasn't always like this...I know I could have easily panicked, but I still feel safe, and that, for me, is a major victory.
Talked to Mary for a while yesterday. It was really nice to catch up. We got onto the topic of life and direction and striving towards goals. I told her about 5th year and Oz...and I told her that after a lot of grappling, that I decided that I'm going to stay in LA. The awesome thing is that she totally got it; she stayed in Sunnyvale for the same reasons. I know that we're both very prone to restlessness and flight (it's the Gemini way =) ); we both need excitement and an element of the unknown; something to fuel that insatiable curiosity... We never pictured settling down...but if you think about it, staying put is so out of character that it provides that element of the unknown...that excitement. I have a pretty good idea of what things would look like if I went to Oz...it's the same road I've been pushing for this whole time. But I have absolutely no clue, none whatsoever, what life would look like if I stayed in LA. No idea where I'd live or work. No idea where it would lead me...what doors would open up...or what experiences are yet to be discovered. If I went to Oz, I'd get to work on fun critters. I'd make contacts; I'd be on the lookout for the next wildlife opportunity. I'd just keep pushing myself in the same direction; it's different, but rather predictable.
I guess I realize that staying put is far more intriguing right now...and that amazing things can happen when you stop pushing...when you just let life happen. I guess I realize that things do fall into place, and that element of letting an experience unravel without provocation is simply awesome.
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