Clin Path test over. Not sure how well or not well it went...guess we'll see eventually. Really tired now...still have another test to get through, but only thing I can think about is moving. Not that I want to move out...just that I want to get it over with. If it's not moving, it's Mark. I'm not a very complicated girl.

Still in the middle of dinner. Made a huge batch of veggie soup cuz I gained 5 pounds this year; feeling mega fat. It's not fair, 5 pounds on someone with a normal frame would be next to nothing, but of course I have to be a friggin midget. Sigh. Beth says it's tragic - we've got the same number of taste buds, but being so tall lets her get away with gaining 15 before things get iffy. No fair.

Pretty low energy - I think the test really wiped me. I stayed the whole 3 hours, and struggled to even finish. I still had 1.5 essays to write when they gave the 15 min. warning. Whoops. Just gonna putter for a little while longer and then get some sleep. It's gonna be a hectic 5 days - one last final exam, moving outta my place, throwing a joint birthday bash, and my big date with Elly - yikes!

Having an early start. Feels like it's going to be a productive day! Perhaps its only out of necessity, but does it matter as long is it gets done?

Was looking at FT and found it curious that the Mark that does all the posting doesn't feel like my Mark. They are one in the same, but for whatever reason I've split them into two. Perhaps it's because I'm just not familiar with the more public persona; I've never witnessed it first hand just as he's never seen mine. Perhaps it's because I'd rather not believe that I have to learn about what he's doing through a blog instead of actually talking. For all I know, my Mark is roaming the mountains of Tibet, and this is just some guy covering events at a festival - no relation.

In any case, it's probably better this way. It impersonalizes the derth of communication so my sanity stays intact. I am pretty happy about how it's going. Two days in and no hint of any sort of emotional anguish; it's like a miracle! Just miss him a bit, but it's not bad, it's actually easier than usual. Go figure.

Random gripe, but was going through CALVE looking at some of the anatomy and physiology lectures and those damn kids got it so much easier! Not only are the notes and lectures better, some of the harder ones (e.g. neurophysiology) have an audio recording of the lecture! Jealous! Ah well, what's done is done.

Gonna shower, eat, study, buy groceries, cook, eat, study, lather, rinse, repeat. Only two tests to go!

Haven't done shit today. Just not feelin' it in terms of study. I'm sure tomorrow will be better...at the very least, I'm sure Monday morning before the test will be a bit of a scramble.

Have been thinking about how much stuff I've acquired over my few years here...not much, but enough to be annoying to move. Early on, I bought a lot of things that I thought I needed...and am now realizing how they were really just impulse buys. They're mostly domestic type items that went toward a 'vision' I had about what my space would feel/look like... It's part practical, part creativity at play...but mostly just me buying just to buy. To be fair they were all purchases made the beginning of second year when I was trying to give things a fair go and plant myself - there was a real risk of me just packing up and going back Stateside, but I had to try. Still, I put myself back into my shoes of a few years ago and realize how much things have changed...and now, gear myself up to get rid of it all.

So that's it. I'm old. I've passed out of my 'mid twenties' into the grey zone before my 'late twenties'. Where did the time go? Got a lot of well-wishes and a number of cupcakes over the 2.5 day span. It's nice, but I think just one day is enough.

The cow test was alright, just a bit annoying. 90 minutes of scrambling to write for something only worth 15%.  I still stand by my opinion that these midterms are only a way to remind us that we have covered a lot of stuff and that we can't afford to slack - especially not next semester.

Money stuffs are back in focus and I told A&S that I'd like to move in...I think I'd actually want to move in sooner rather than later, but I'm lazy and we're still in the middle of exams.  I can wait a month. I'm just impatient. Talked to the 'rents last night as well. They keep asking me about whether or not I'll be covered for school and I'm always at a loss about what to say.  "Uh, no, but I don't want your help?" What's worse - being in debt or feeling indebted to your parents? I hate the feeling of having mommy and daddy bail me out because I can't handle my own shit; they have their own lives to worry about - they've done their job, and I will be fine. At the same time, I encourage my sister to take what they're willing to give - after all, they are offering, why not take them up on it? I dunno. Too many things to think about, and the more I think the more frustrated I feel.

So - time to start another exciting day. I've been kicked out of Elly's place and am back in my own space. It feels good to be back...good, but damn cold. Gonna shower, clean, and break into the study for Clinical Pathology. It's a doozie and a real final; one I really need to pass or else forever be Elly's dumb friend who failed her class

My brain hurts. Test went better than I expected. Birthday tomorrow. Cows on Friday.

I love my friends. I know I've found the right people when we can get out of a test and make fun of our own stupidity. I know lots of other folks who came out with their heads hung low and just distressed - I can't deal with that crap. We walked out grinning from ear to ear. It was funny recounting the bull shit that we put in hopes of it being the right answer...or the utter brain farts we have. All you can do is laugh, really. At the very least it's over - it's a midterm and now I know the stuff I need to get to in order to be ready for the final. Oddly, the surgery stuff was really easy compared to some of the medicine stuff. I guess we'll see how it goes. I think I passed, and if I don't eh. I may have to sit supps, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. The funniest thing to come out of the last two days was centered around what the lecturer said on the causes/signs/treatment for uveitis and the comedy that can only come from a simple homophone. In my notes I have "no uveitis" in Ab's notes she had "know uveitis". We spent about 5 minutes trying to figure out if it was "know" or "no" - haha...sigh. Turns out she was right, but luckily I glanced over enough to be able to jot down a few things.

No test tomorrow, but Equine on Wednesday. I need to study, but my level of concentration is zilch right now. I put on The Prince of Egypt again (for the 50th time) and am just gonna take it easy for a little while before tucking back into it.

super duper blahs. i just want these exams over with already, it's agony always feeling like i should be studying and always feeling guilty when i'm not, or if i don't study as much or as hard as other people. it's just bs. i hate having things drag out like this.

Bleh.  Got a case of em' right now. Probably just need to get outta the house and away from it all.

I like it because it's hard.

No, not that - perv.

I've been studying and just looked at some sample endocrinology cases and damn, they're hard. Not impossible, just gets the noggin' churning and though it probably doesn't bode well for my test scores, it makes me like this profession even more.  I like it because it can leave me stumped...it makes me want to strive for more...

I've heard several times that medicine is as much an art as it is a science, and the more I learn, the more I see that there are so many ways to go about getting to the same place. That leaves a lot of room for practicing your own style. Even if it's as simple as a treatment regime, those who are more bold, will probably go guns blaring and try the latest and greatest, or even make something up - go on a hunch, and those who are cautious may sit back and wait...it's self expression in science. It's art. That concept extends to every aspect from the way you deal with the client to how you go about finding the right diagnosis. It's just trippy...and so exciting.

That said, one would think that I would have renewed vigor to study, but at the end of the day, a body can only take so much. What it does though, is remind me that I love what I'm doing, and makes me excited to pick up the books and do all again tomorrow. =)

Kinda tired of studying. Brain is starting to protest the constant work.