Day's over and so is the Equine assignment.  It wasn't as bad as I thought, but then again, I wasn't chosen to do the role play (go lucky greens!).

Had a really long day yesterday and had the chance to gather my thoughts last night and put an end to some of the incessant noise that manages to eek its way in.  I guess I re-realized that I am a very fortunate person and that I really like my life.  I know I get frustrated with things sometimes, but ultimately, I have the power to change things if I so choose.  Thing is, I like where I am.  I like where I'm going.  It's more than most people can say.

It's easy to forget how much power I actually have.  It's incredibly easy for me to slip into the mindset where I am a victim and things are beyond my control.  It's incredibly easy to forget that I put myself where I am now.  I tend to forget that I WANT to be here.  I guess I've just been griping about school a lot lately and though it is a lot of work, I'm actually enjoying myself.  I like learning.  I like being able to hang out with friends all day.  I like having an entire classroom of people to winge about.  I like the regularity of it all...and the power of being able to shirk my responsibilities if I wanted to.  Being a student comes with its own freedoms and limitations and I guess I'm determined to enjoy it while I still can.  I only have one more semester of lectures to get through before a whole new phase of life begins when I enter clinics...and after just a year of that -- I'll be a vet.

Mark's departure, my first surgery, and the May release/Upgrade all fell last week.  I was fine until it all caught up with me last night and I finally had the time to be still.

S'all good.

Made it through the day with few tears spilled. That's actually pretty good considering the trend over the past few days.  I think I may just be too busy to stop...or avoiding.  That works too.

Have surgery tomorrow...I'm up first at the surgeon and I'm kinda excited.  How bad can it be, right?  I've seen it done a bunch of times...I think it's best to have a first go now when I know it's terminal than on someone's pet.  That's my preference anyway.

Tonight, just gonna try to get stuff ready for tomorrow.  It's not the end of the world if I just bumble through it, but I'd prefer to kinda know what I'm doing.  It's gonna be tough tomorrow because system checkout is tomorrow too.  =/

In the world of my blog, no news is good news and the dry spell of entries is over.

The past two weeks have been great.  More than great; amazing even.  Any doubt whatsoever has either completely dissipated or has shrunken down to an appropriate size.  I love the guy and that's all there is to it.

Unfortunately, he leaves today.

12.5 hours and it still hasn't completely sunken in.  I know that I've been waiting for this for the past 3 months, but now that it's here...I don't know what to think or feel.

I feel excited, scared, hopeful, happy...it's a bit of a potpourri really.  I don't know what's going to happen.  I am scared that, although we work very well together "in theory", that it won't translate well into reality.  The reality is that...that I have this whole other life that no one from my past world is a part of.  And I don't know how to merge the two.  I feel like here, I'm one way here, but in LA, I'm different.  Here, I'm just me...there, I'm somewhere in between who I was (in the eyes of others) and who I am now.  It still feels disjointed for me.  I feel like he's coming to visit my life, just as I was passing through his earlier this year...it's all just weird.  It's not an "our" life yet...and I think this visit will help sway us one way or another on that idea...

I guess the idea of blending is still too foreign for me...up until now, contact in the relationship was always a discrete event.  We'd talk to each other and then when we were done, the line of communication ended with the click of a button.  Now...even through the silence, so much can be communicated...there will never be a complete cessation of information...and I'm afraid of where that will lead...

I guess it just feels exposing.  I won't be able to hide behind the distance.

Oh well.  12 hours left...and hopefully I'll be able to just snooze through most of it.

Room is spic-n-span, groceries are all sorted, and most of the little things are done.  =)  Feeling pretty good, just the normal tired from bad sleep.  3 days left...

Shower and study time. 

The decision has been made for me.  It's going to be raining...and I ain't gonna be up in alpine weather when that hits.  Only a week ago did people get caught up in Tongariro when the weather turned...that's not a fate I wish to follow.

Decisions, decisions...to go or not to go...guess it depends on how productive the day is...need coffee. 

The countdown is pretty unbearable.  5 days.  If I go, 2 of those I'll be too preoccupied notice.  If I don't, I can get enough stuff done so that I can actually enjoy the next couple of weeks...and maybe even sleep.

Looks like it'll be an early day tomorrow.  Another system checkout slated for 830am PST = 330am NZT.  Joy.

S'ok though.  Means 3-4 hours of work which is good.  I still need to get crackin' on that report.  Really should get the spec done today and send it out before coding is due to start on the 24th.  Poos.

Also really want to be able to charge the full 20 hours by this week... =/ Don't want to wait until July really.

Sigh. 

I didn't even realize that I did it, but I did...I gave someone else the full ability to comfort me...and crazily enough, it was comforting!  It was a strange evening, to say the least, but I felt like there's been movement and I'm glad for it.

This is going to be a short week due to ANZAC day.  I want to go to the sunrise ceremony this year; I missed it last year, and the year before that, I was picking my sister up from the airport and missed it.

Aside from that, another normal week - a couple of quizzes to prep for and the same ol' same old.