January 20, 2008
-
Her screams woke up me up.
Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, the most unsettling, and utterly terrifying scream pierced through the silent night. It sounded like a woman screaming for her life. Kim and I both jolted up a little confused and unsure if what we heard was real or not. We can't both be crazy right? Neither of us wanted to go outside, but we peered through the window and saw nothing. We ended up calling 911 to report it - just in case. The police went to check it out and we were called back saying they hadn't found anything, but that's a good thing I'm glad we called - I wouldn't have done anything differently.
Needless to say, we had trouble settling back to sleep and were both grateful for each other's company. I don't think I'll ever forget that sound or the way it made my stomach turn. It was scary - and as primitive as it sounds, I wished that Mark were here to make me feel safer.
I'm glad that the police didn't find anything amiss, but this experience really struck a chord. I know I take needless risks with my own safety. I can't count the number of times I've walked down dark alleys out of sheer laziness; not wanting to spend an extra 2 minutes to go around the block. I spent so many dark, early mornings running around the neighborhood doing the same loop time and time again. No one ever thinks it will happen to them. At least I know I do.
After last night, I am resolved to put my personal safety first. If anything were to happen, it's not just me who suffers, everyone who cares for me suffers too. Although you never know what's going to happen, there's no good reason to tempt the fates by providing the right conditions. Like suicide, it feels selfish to forget the pain you'd inflict on everyone around you...and after Abby's friend died, I know that the ripples go further than your immediate circle of friends...
...and on a more cheery note, for the first time in any of my relationships, I plucked up the courage to feel small...and then grew a set and told him. I'm so glad I did. I'm so glad we talked it through...it feels incredible to be understood and received so compassionately. It's just so right. I feel like the luckiest person on earth. Sigh. =)
Damn, this has turned out longer than I expected...on a final note, a bit of humor that only the Chinese people can pull off - we cracked open a fortune cookie at lunch whose message was "Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow". Hahaha
Recent Comments