November 17, 2007
-
I'm "home".
Yes, it is supposed to be in quotes. It's simple really, I don't feel at ease here. Not yet anyway. There isn't much for me here aside from my sister and my critters. The rest of my life has moved on...being here is like living in a shadow. It's a little bit haunting to see how much things change, but more so how much things are exactly the same. I think most people would find comfort in that...that there's something you can always count on. But I think it's creepy. Life isn't stale, everything changes; it's just how it works...and when I see that everything is as I left it, it's like I'm jolted back into an era that has already happened. I find myself in a parallel universe created from a tear in the space-time continuum.
I guess I just feel like I don't belong here. I'm not sure where I belong though.
Its been alright so far. The critters are good...I want to a full physical work up on each of them. =) Sister is alright. She seems really happy that I'm around...I'm not sure I can really stomach the attention though. I am so used to being on my own that sentences that begin with the word "We" send a jolt of anxiety down my spine...especially when there's a quick succession of them. For example, "We should take the dogs for a walk. We should go shopping. We should plan our menus. We should..." Ugh.
I know that they are gestures of kindness. But am so fiercely independent that it feels stifling. I know I'm also on the defensive right now, and quite exhausted and grumpy from the past few weeks. I'll give it a few days for things to calm down.
I also saw Beth today. It was...mixed.
I'm not sure what the plan is from here on out. I have work on Monday and it's Thanksgiving this week so I'm not sure if the clinic will be open. In the immediate future, I have rented the first season of Grey's Anatomy and will be starting from the ground up. I'll be in a television induced stupor in no time! Yay vacation!
The word today reflects my future mental state - short, and unfortunately probably, long term. =)
Obtunded - A patient that has less than full mental capacity. Mentally dulled.
e.g. Anyone (me) stupid enough to watch the entire season of Grey's Anatomy in one sitting will be obtunded by the end.
Recent Comments